Friday, July 21, 2006

The Return of Awesomeness

*peaking out from behind the corner...cautiously steps out...clears throat...*

Ahem.

Hello.

After much time off, I have returned to the essense of awesomeness.
I would like to clarify immediately that in my absense, my awesomeness never dwindled...no my friends, I was loyal to the end. I suppose we haven't really reached the end yet...but I WILL be loyal to the end. That's cause I'm a loyal person. Especially when it comes to awesomeness.

The reason for my absense...well, it doesn't matter. All that matters is that I am back. And ready to resume full awesomeness duties.

I'm in fact being awesome right now...I'm at work, and have been all day actually, but have accomplished very little, if not nothing at all. I would deem this as awesome. Who could pull this off as flawlessly as I? It is a skill that I have gradually sharpened over this past year and half.

Now tell me if this is awesomeness worthy, cause I don't know; I'm quitting my job. Although this will be great by saving me a huge commute every day and giving me a lot more spare time, I figure I will essentially be doing the same thing at home that I did at work (blogging and msn), except I won't be paid for it. Which is SO not awesome. Unless I can get my other blog to start making me money. Apparently people actually go to it...who woulda thunk it??

I just stared blankly at the screen for the last hour or two...I think that's a good sign that I lost my train of thought...it's ALSO five o'clock and it's time for after work drinks, yay! (After work drinks = awesome)

"'Sorry about your alleged embezzlement'...now THERE'S a card hallmark hasn't thought up yet!!"

Thursday, March 09, 2006

Memories, memories...

I just spent the last 15 minutes reading our first few posts on here and remembering the days when our blog was just a wee cyber baby.

You're right Euan, we've lost the love. I don't know how you put me on the defensive so easily. Perhaps we need to get back to the roots of our friendship...love of each other's accents and alcohol. I say we set aside a night when you're not crazy busy and I'm actually at home and get ridiculously intoxicated online with funny drunken chatter and posting on our neglected drunkeness blog.

Anyways...less criticism and more love and goofyness. *turns goofyness dial up*

Oh by the way, my friend wants to go on your ghost tour, can I give you her email address and you can set something up with her? Would you mind? I promise she is lovely and friendly and not "deranged" such as I am.

Songs related to where love is:
Where Is love - Oliver Twist
Where's the love - Hanson. Eww. It's gross that I remembered that.

I still need to get back there to buy a kilt at some point.

Peaved Again

You need to write more of your own material instead of criticizing mine. See, I give you a nice long post which took me awhile to type up while sucking up valuable work time, and you tell me I make no sense and put meaningless dribble on it. Quite unwelcoming for the fact that you bug me to post more.

I hope someone pulls the personal space ploy on you to make you feel awkward. Although knowing you you'd just start up a convo with them and turn the tables.

With your questions - well, it's simple really. I know all. And so does the internet.

With your criticism of me posting the song - I was relating to it and wanted to share it.

Marco/polo: A game you play in the swimming pool. One person closes their eyes and says marco and the other responds "polo" so that the first person can try and catch them with their eyes closed. If they suspect the person has jumped out of the pool they get to yell "fish out of the water" and win the game. Come on Euan, I thought you were like, smart and knowledgeable and stuff.

Stalker guy is weird. He said he's calling me this morning. I'm dreading the phone even more than usual. Yes, I gave him my work number. Yes, I am a retard.

In conclusion - stop repeating your lyrics and write something original.

Thank you.

That is all.

Wednesday, March 08, 2006

You have questions...I have answers. And possibly more questions.

Thank you for taking the time to answer my questions.
You have now proven that stalker guy is not all that unique and therefore we are not meant to be together.

In response to your questions:

First - In the course of one of our conversations, I made reference to that scene in Dumb and Dumber and the quote of so long and thanks for all the fish. He got both references, and challenged me to find someone who knew both of those as he did, convinced that our senses of humour/personalities are so unique to each other that I couldn't find a guy who would get both of those things. And, I did. Problem solved: stalker guy and I are not meant to be together. Although I didn't need Jim Carrey or Douglas Adams to help me figure that out.

Second - Withnail and I

Third - surprise...surprise and fear...fear and surprise.... our two weapons are fear and surprise...and ruthless efficiency.... Our three weapons are fear, surprise, and ruthless efficiency...and an almost fanatical devotion to the Pope....


So the other day, I'm at the brand new Walmart by my house (massively huge...thank you for infiltrating my small town corporate America) and using one of those self checkout things. This is great because A) I like scanning things and B) I like pressing buttons. Seems win/win right?? Everything was going according to plan until a lady comes up to stand in line for my checkout. Now, not only did she stand behind me....she stood right at my elbow. I could feel my adrenaline starting to rise...my breathing became labored, my eye started twitching, and my head felt like it may pop off my shoulders. I may have looked like a hyperventalating down syndrome patient, but I didn't care. I kept looking at her as if to say "can I help you?" in an incentive to make her back off. She only gave an inquisitive look of "yes? what is it?" in return. Now come on...everybody else at Walmart has the social conscience to know that you stand at the beginning of the self checkout spot and wait in line till whatever one opens up. There is no standing next to the person as they are scanning their groceries and paying. In fact, it is much like a bank machine. When I go to pay for my groceries, I'm not going to punch in my PIN with you looking over my shoulder. Luckily she left for another free register before I had to do this. Had she not, I would have promplty turned to her and said "can you back up about...oh...five feet....you're invading my personal hoola hoop. thanks." In fact, it was already really hard not to.

Other random thoughts: it's funny how many people you see drinking Tim Horton's coffee on the way to work. Especially when roll up the rim to win is on. Euan, if you ever visit Canada, you will quickly learn that Tim Horton's is like a cult and their coffee like kool aid. But it doesn't stop us from spending millions of dollars there. Good ol' Canada.

I have another internet date tonight. Thankfully he is not flying in from across the country like stalker boy, or claiming that my vagina is his property. He's only after my elbows...and really, who can blame him? He likes cars so I bought him a little hot wheels car as a joke. He'll probably be like "this kind of car sucks" and I'll say "maybe, but the colours are pretty" in typical girl fashion. I really liked his idea of meeting in the parking lot of the coffee shop we are really meeting at and playing marco/polo to find each other.

I heard you crying loud
All the way across town
You've been searching for that someone
And it's me out on the prowl
As you sit around feeling sorry for yourself
Don't get lonely now
And dry your whining eyes
I'm just roaming for the moment
Sleazin' my backyard so don't get so uptight
You've been thinking about ditching me
No time to search the world around
'Cause you know where I'll be found
When I come around

I heard it all before
So don't knock down my door
I'm a loser and a user
So I don't need no accuser
To try and slag me down because I know you're right
So go do what ya like
Make sure you do it wise
You may find out that your self doubt means nothing
Was ever there
You can't go forcing something when it's just not right
No time to search the world around
'Cause you know where I'll be found
When I come around
No time to search the world around
'Cause you know where I'll be found
When I come around
When I come around
When I come around
When I come around

Your turn.

Friday, March 03, 2006

Fish and Monty Python

Questions for you:
Do you know the significance of this sentence: "So long and thanks for the fish"?
Also, what scene in Dumb and Dumber deals with probability of dating?
You must answer both questions correctly to qualify. It's really important that you get these right to. A) It would make me very happy and B) It would give me something to hold over someone's head. *rubs hands together wickedly*

I've been all into this meeting people from the internet lately thing. So far, no kidnappings or rapes...I'm 0 for 3! Woot! Almost 0-4...well, I hope it doesn't end up being 1-3...cause that would suck a lot...for me...I blame this website: www.plentyoffish.com It's addictive...

Last weekend I watched Monty Python's Quest For The Holy Grail again, and remembered all the genius that is Monty Python. I leave you with some of my favourite quotes:


Sir Galahad: Is there someone else up there we could talk to?
French Soldier: No, now go away before I taunt you a second time.

Sir Bedevere: And what makes you think she is a witch?
Peasant 3: Well, she turned me into a newt!!
Sir Bedevere: A newt sir?
Peasant 3: *awkward pause*...I got better....
Crowd: [shouts] Burn her anyway!

[the King gestures to the window]
King of Swamp Castle: One day, lad, all this will be yours.
Prince Herbert: What, the curtains?
King of Swamp Castle: No, not the curtains, lad, all that you can see stretched out over the valleys and the hills! That'll be your kingdom, lad.

Knight 1: We are now no longer the Knights who say Ni.
Knight 2: NI.
Other Knights: Shh...

Cleric: And the Lord spake, saying, "First shalt thou take out the Holy Pin. Then shalt thou count to three; no more, no less. Three shall be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, nor thou count thou two, excepting that thou then immediately proceed to three. Five is right out. Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch towards thy foe, who, being naughty in My sight, shall snuff it.
Brother Maynard: Amen.
All: Amen.
King Arthur: Right. One... two... five.
Galahad: Three, sir.
King Arthur: Three.

King Arthur: Can we come up and have a look?
French Soldier: Of course not. You're English types.
King Arthur: What are you then?
French Soldier: I'm French. Why do you think I have this outrageous accent, you silly king?
Sir Galahad: What are you doing in England?
French Soldier: Mind your own business.

King of Swamp Castle: You only killed the bride's father, you know.
Sir Lancelot: Well, I didn't mean to.
King of Swamp Castle: Didn't mean to? You put your sword right through his head.
Sir Lancelot: Oh dear... is he all right?

Sir Bedevere: No, no. What else floats in water?
Peasant 1: Bread.
Peasant 2: Apples.
Peasant 3: Very small rocks.
Peasant 1: Cider.
Peasant 2: Gravy.
Peasant 3: Cherries.
Peasant 1: Mud.
Peasant 2: Churches.
Peasant 3: Lead! Lead!

King of Swamp Castle: Who are you?
Prince Herbert: I'm your son!
King of Swamp Castle: No, not you!
Sir Lancelot: I am Sir Launcelot, sir.
Prince Herbert: He's come to rescue me, father!
Sir Lancelot: Well, let's not jump to conclusions.
King of Swamp Castle: Did you kill all those guards?
Sir Lancelot: Um... oh, yes! Sorry.
King of Swamp Castle: They cost fifty pounds each!
Sir Lancelot: Well, the thing is, I thought your son was a lady.
King of Swamp Castle: Well, I can understand that.

King Arthur: Who are you who can summon fire without flint or tinder?
Tim: There are some who call me... Tim.

We apologise again for the fault in the subtitles. Those responsible for sacking the people who have just been sacked, have been sacked.

Narrator: Here they were reunited with Sir Galahad and Sir Bedevere, and there was much rejoicing *half hearted "yay" subtle waving of flag*...in the frozen land of Nador, they were forced to eat Robin's minstrels. And there was much rejoicing. *half heart "yay" sublte waving of flag*

As the dreaded beast lunged forward, escape for Arthur seemed impossible, when suddenly the animator suffered a fatal heart attack. *cuts to animator going "eek" and falling backwards off his chair and animation desk* The animation threat was no more. The film could continue... in live action.

Monday, February 20, 2006

What's YOUR problem???

I never said anything of the sort, gawd Euan, I thought you were more literate than that. ie READ WHAT I SAY. I just wanted some time on top before you jump in and post over me! (You know how I like to be on top. Well perhaps not from personal experience. Well perhaps you didn't know it at all. You know now.) Yeesh. You're such a blog whore. I want the glory too!!!

Now stop posting mean things and saying I have mundane/unimportant issues and need to feel wanted...you're the one who is asking for my attention here captain irony! People I know read this blog you know, and although they already know I'm crazy, I wouldn't want to give them further proof!

I also got a shitload of work dumped on me, only about 20x my regular work load, so I don't have time to chat at work anymore, at least not until I get this caught up. So eat it.

On a completely different note, what's with people taking me seriously when I ask them if they like stuff...Euan, if I said to you, "So...do you like stuff?" what would you say? Would you simply write back "stuff?" with a confused puppy dog expression on your face? I think not!

Wednesday, February 15, 2006

ARRRRGH

Euan, stop posting over top of me right away!! You aggravating serious-song ruining person!!

I found their cd along with a whole bunch of other old cd's the other day. Nothing I would listen to now but I liked the lyrics of that song and felt like I related to them.

Lifehouse- Trying

Could you let down your hair
Be transparent for awhile, just a little while
To see if you're human after all

Honesty is a hard attribute to find
When we all want to seem like
We've got it all figured out


Well let me be the first to say that I don't have a clue
I don't have all the answers
Ain't gonna pretend like I do

Just trying
To find my way
Trying
To find my way the best I know how

Well I haven't memorized all of the cute things to say
But I'm working on it
Maybe I'll master this art form someday

If I quote all the lines off the top of my head
Would you believe
That I fully understand all these things I've read

I'm just trying
To find my way
Trying
To find my way
Trying
To find my way the best that I know how

Well I haven't got it all figured out quite yet but
Even if it takes my whole life to get to where I need to be
And if I should fall to the bottom of the end
I'll be one step back to you, and

I'm trying to find my way
Trying to find my way
I'm trying to find my way
Trying to find my way...

Tuesday, February 14, 2006

Happy Hallmark Holiday

Hey, I'm back. So I've been like, starving and beaten up in a ditch somewhere...at least someone noticed I was missing. But Euan I'm disappointed you did not call the proper authorities. Luckily some malibu and coke nursed me back to health in no time.

So I sit here at the same place I sat a year ago today. Doing work, feeling slightly bitter. But only because it's tradition. Most of me is pretty happy actually...I'm content in my singleness and am even thinking about taking myself out to dinner tonight. Narcisistic? Nah...I figure you gotta be happy with yourself before you can be with someone else. Self love first! So I'm going to try to get to know myself...buy me a drink...batt my eyelashes...make witty banter...buy myself some roses...perhaps sign them from a secret admirer...ok now I'm depressing myself for real.

My original point I meant to make is, Valentine's Day is overrated. Who wants a day that's set aside to love somebody??? Ok ok hear me out...shouldn't EVERY DAY be valentine's day?? Shouldn't we buy our loved ones chocolate and nice things because we love them, not because some ancient "holiday" tells us we should? And yet, these arguments are very typical of a single person on valentine's day...or I guess someone who is in a relationship that doesn't want to celebrate valentine's day...

Maybe it is good to set a day aside to show somebody you love them. After all, isn't that what a holiday is about? We have Christmas (supposedly) for celebrating the birth of Christ. Canada day for celebrating the birth of Canada. Victoria Day as an excuse to get drunk and have a day off of work. But when it comes to love you should let the person know you love them everyday....it would be like having a day to celebrate wearing silly socks, but how special is it if you wear silly socks every day?

All this debating just makes me dislike valentine's day even more. However, there are some good things that come of it. ie the human resources department bringing in pie for us. I like pie.

Tuesday, January 24, 2006

A note after all that serious political jargon...

www.chucknorrisfacts.com

Bahahahaha......hahahahaha......haha....ah.

That is all.

Canadian Politics

Guess what, guess what...ok I'll just tell you. We have a new Prime Minister. He's a little creepy looking, a little controversial, but boy, is he ever...there.

Yesterday I had the most ridiculous time deciding who to vote for. I changed my mind a dozen times. And just when I thought I would vote one way something would happen or I would find something to swing my vote the other way.

You see, it's not a matter of political beliefs anymore. If it were, I would probably vote Liberal, almost no doubt. But the Liberals have been in power for the past 10 years, and although they are relatively good for the economy and working off our national debt (which we never had until the Liberals got into power) they seem to have a problem with money going missing. They also have a problem with not punishing those responsible for it going missing. They also have a problem with broken promises and corruption. Gun control is non-existant and more and more people and being shot to death in Toronto. The Liberals seem to be all talk and no action. So yesterday, Election Day, apparently Canada had had enough. They voted in a Conservative leader to make a Conservative minority government. Paul Martin later announced that he would be resigning as the head of the Liberal party. What a poor little dejected puppy dog.

On the flip side, I'm not a huge fan of the Conservatives either. I don't believe all the hype about "they are going to make abortion and same sex marriages illegal." They know they couldn't do that because there would be a national uproar. But being by definition "conservative" it's easy to paint them as old fashioned Christians with an almost biblical agenda. They wouldn't survive one term if this was the case. However, the issues I believe to be fundamental to any political party seem to be on the backburner for the conservatives; healthcare and education. And although the healthcare system has rather crumbled under the Liberal government (wait times are atrocious), healthcare has never been a priority of the conservatives, at least to my knowledge. There are also rumours of privatization (which I don't think would be all that bad for reasons I won't get into). Regardless...I didn't want to vote conservative either.

What's left? The good ol' NDP. In the leader debates all I heard Jack Layton say was "I'm a tool, I'm a tool, I'm a tool tool tool." (Thank you Scrubs). The NDP put much emphasis on healthcare and education, which is great. However they are extreme. There would be no money to do what they want to do. The country would go bankrupt, just like our province did when the NDP got into power years ago. Plus, they want to legalize marijuana. And although I know there are some good reasons for doing this, I don't agree with it at all.

So by process of elimination...all the parties are eliminated. What's this leave? A protest vote. I called elections Canada to see if there was a legal official way of doing a protest ballot. There is in the States, there isn't here. It would just be counted as a spoiled ballot. That was no good. I had to find another way to make up my mind. Here's some other factors I considered:

Political ads: A weak medium. The politcal ads themselves were weak. In this department, I believe the Conservatives won. Although all the parties took to the traditional mud slinging, the conservatives at least listed their sources. The Liberal's ads were based on rumour and speculation. "Stephen Harper said this. Trust us. He really really did." NDP was about the same.

Candidates in my area: Dean Allison, Conservative, or Heather Carter, Liberal. Dean Allison would be re-elected, Heather Carter was new to the politcal world. Both were good. It was a tie.

Political Platform/Beliefs: Liberal. Would they actually act on their platform? No.

It seemed it was a draw there too...so it came down to this. Voting for Paul Martin is another way of saying "it's ok what you did to screw around the country...we still want you in power." I just couldn't do that.

So I'll let you piece together who I voted for. It was very stressful. I vote as if my vote will make or break the election, I take it very seriously. And to all those who didn't vote, well...you don't deserve democracy if you aren't going to participate in it.

I have one wish for this country. A political party that isn't corrupt, doesn't "lose" money, is honest and puts money where it is most needed. All I could think about through the whole election was how immature all the politcal parties were. Instead of proclaiming their ideas for this country, they just harp on the competitor's platform. They personally attack their opponents. Have we not grown to a point where we can forego these cheap political tricks? Can we not shake hands with the other leaders and say "may the best man/woman win"? Can we not work together for the betterment of the country instead of trying to push our own parties' political agenda?? None of these parties have Canada's best interests in mind, they have their own. And it sucks.

At least one positive thing will come out of this election: no more annoying ads on the radio or tv. Now we sit and wait (not unlike Chuck Norris) until they screw up so we can vote the Liberals back in in the next election. And so this pattern shall continue until we grow up and realize...well...that it's stupid. If we ever do.

Oh Canada.

Wednesday, January 11, 2006

An Ode To The Post-Holidays

The holidays are gone, our joy’s been sucked dry
Through crappy gifts and hangovers from whisky and rye

It’s back to work now, hunched over we trudge
The headaches, the traffic that refuses to budge

The Christmas tree that stays up till May or till June
Once disassembled will have to go up just as soon

Our holiday spirits dissolved by the booze
Leaving us with tinsel dragging on our shoes

With our bank accounts empty we’ll work off the pounds
Accumulated from turkey and too many rounds

We’ve spent, dined and travelled beyond compare
But feel comfy in our new socks and underwear

Valentine’s is depressing, Easter’s nowhere near,
It’s the beloved holiday lull that comes once a year

Monday, January 02, 2006

Random Canadian Fun In The Burgh

Euan we need at least one post on one of our blogs of awesomeness before I leave Scotland forever!! Ok maybe not forever...probably till I get home and realize that life is incredibly boring back home and much more drunken and entertaining in Scotland.

Right so. It's my last day in the lovely Edinburgh. Here are some random memories of the trip:
-snowmen modeled after Euan with holes in the back of them
-seeing your breath in the kitchen of Euan's flat
-"Do you have any acid??? Do YOU have any acid??? I NEED SOME ACID"
-"WHERE ARE YOU?!? Right, Dave, put someone more intelligent on the phone!"
-Forgetting to put deodorant on for at least three days of my holiday. (It's ok...I don't smell anyway)
-evaporating toast
-shower curtains that really don't close all the way
-waking up to Chris wearing his sheet as a cape
-two words: The Chippanese
-sexual charades
-capturing Dave's photogenicy (is that word? It is now!)
-picking up an English accent while visiting Scotland. Who the fuck does that???
-"Shutup Shrek." "Wow, she really does look like Shrek!!"
-Kissing probably close to 50 random people on the cheek and wishing them a happy new year. Having one girl pull me back in for another kiss.
-Being the witch of Edinburgh for two years running
-"Is this the beef?" "No." "...is this the beef?" "No...."
-"I think my liver has dissolved"
-curly mustaches
-"EUAN STOP SNORING!!"

Righto...that's all for now...Euan has just commented to me that I will remember most things at very odd random moments during the next week or so. As great as it's been, filled with fun and drama as it always must be, I really am looking forward to having my own bed back. Or having a bed at all really. "Where are you going??" "To sleep in the kitchen."

Cheers all...see you in 12 hours. (I'm going to start saying 'cheers' back at home and made fun of and it will eventually taper off from my vocabulary)